In light of today’s loosening of beer sale rules in Ontario, I want to tell you a story.

Imagine there’s a place – a magical place – where the government didn’t hold a monopoly over the sale of beer. Where a bottle of lager – or ale, or bitter, or Pilsner, or stout, or blonde – could be purchased from your friendly neighourhood off-licence (look it up, Ontarians). Or supermarket. Or mini-market. Or movie theater.

Imagine a wonderful world where buying your alcohol took no planning. A world with no lengthy detours to inconveniently-located government shops rammed to the teeth with desperate drinkers.

Oh, and the choice. Did I mention the choice of beer in this wonderful place? You can’t walk a kilometre in this place without careening into a new craft brewery. We have craft beer leaking out of our whazoos, there’s so much craft beer in this place.

And it’s affordable. Did I mention that it’s affordable? Supermarkets will sell their beer as a loss-leader in order to get you through the door.

Wait, it gets better. You can even buy your wine in the same way. Some of it is even decent. And spirits! That’s right, you can get yer gin, vodka, Scotch, rum, brandy, bourbon, liqueurs, and any other holy spirit you desire at the supermarket.

Ontarians – I’ve glimpsed your future. It’s called the “United Kingdom”, and not just because we’re united in our love of booze.

But what of alcoholism in the United Kingdom? Aren’t we known for our soused behaviour? And our pickled and red noses? While it’s true we do like to enjoy a tipple, we do a fair job of not tipping into excess, football fans aside.

What’s the moral of this story?

Don’t settle for these half-measures, Ontarians. Free the booze.